One Year

I can hardly believe today has been one year since my Mom passed away. In fact, sometimes I still find it hard to believe that she is really gone. She and I were so close and sometimes when I see someone that I haven't seen in a long time or something major happens in my life, I have to catch myself, because I want to pick up the phone to call and tell her about it and then I remember that she's not there....

This picture of her was taken on my wedding day and I love it! It's probably my favourite picture of her. She was so happy and her smile is radiant!

Today Jeff came over and hung out for most of the day...so he didn't have to be home alone to think of everything. We went to the cemetery when Ethan and Hannah were down for their nap this afternoon. And, it still seemed surreal to see her name on the headstone. Jeff and I talked about some of the events leading up to the last week of her life on earth and how she was ready to leave her tired and weak body behind to join her Heavenly Father in heaven. I'm sure it was hard for her too because I know she loved us so much and didn't want to leave us, but also knew at the same time that it was too difficult to continue on when she was so very tired....

I will always be grateful that she spent her last week living here with Gil and I. As hard as it was to watch her physical body deteriorate, at least we were all here to care for her and she wasn't alone. I remember the times she would call me over to her and want me to kneel in front of her laz-boy chair so she could just hold me and she would rub my back and tell me that she loved me. I will always cherish those memories.

The day she passed away was so hard for all of us....struggling to let her go.... but we knew that where she was going was a much better place, where there is no pain and sickness. Jeff and I were at her side with Gil and Cydele standing by us and she held our hands and squeezed them as her time was coming to a close. It was so hard to watch her go, but I am glad that we were there with her. God called her to come home to be with Him.

I miss her so much. Words cannot express how deep that pain is. I cannot help but wish she were here to hold her granchildren. They would have loved her so much and she would have been a wonderful presence in their lives. Someday, when they are older, I will tell them about their Grandma and how excited she was when we told her that I was expecting. And twins! She cried when we showed her the first ultrasound picture. She said she wanted to get better because she wanted to be able to help me with them. She said I would need her help and there have been many times I have thought to myself, "if only she were here...." Don't get me wrong...we have been blessed with family and friends who have helped out when we have needed it. I just wish my Mom could have been one of them.

Below, I have posted a picture of my mom as a baby, me and then Hannah. Hannah's resemblance to my mom's baby picture is unbelievable. Maybe in some small way, she is God's reminder to me of how special my Mom was and that her legacy will live on!

So, Mom, I miss you and I love you so much! One day I know I will see you again, but until then, I will always treasure you in my heart. And, I know that you must be so happy to see that your son has found his way back to God because I know that it was your prayer. And, I will continue to pray for the others you loved that you wanted to see in heaven with you.

Jesus says, "My peace I leave with you, My peace I give you."